The Kindness and Sternness of God

April 13, 2026

Many Americans hold what theologian Bob Deffinbaugh calls “Santa Claus Theology.” They say, “I believe in a God of love, not a God of hate and anger. The kind of God I worship would never allow anyone to spend eternity in hell.” On the surface this sounds kind and compassionate, but there is a serious problem with this view.

Our God is indeed a God of love. In fact, everything we know about love is because God is love (I John 4:8). This means God is perfect love. God is the very definition of what love is. Love is so complex, and many faceted, that we can never fully understand the depths of what life changing love is. As I often say, “God loves us too much to leave us where He finds us.” As John goes on to write, “We love because God first loved us” (I John 4:19).

Because He loves us, He is also a God who hates. That may seem counterintuitive, but he says over and over in His word how much He hates sin. One example is Proverbs 6:16-19, where Solomon tells us seven things the Lord hates, “Haughty eyes, a lying tongue, hands that shed innocent blood, a heart that devises wicked schemes, feet that run swiftly to evil, a false witness who pours out lies, and a person who stirs up conflict in the community. In case you think that that is Old Testament theology, there are a number of places where God’s judgment is harsh as we in the New Testament, “For our God is a consuming fire” (Hebrews 12:29).

The same God who is rich in kindness is also capable of sternness. Paul writes in Romans 11:22, “Consider therefore the kindness and sternness of God: sternness to those who fell, but kindness to you, provided that you continue in his kindness.” In this chapter, Paul explains how God hardened the hearts of many in Israel so that the door of salvation could swing wide open to the Gentiles. This does not mean that God stopped loving Israel, it means God sovereignly works through both kindness and sternness to accomplish His eternal purposes. He has not rejected His people, but He uses even their unbelief to extend mercy to the whole world.

Have you ever experienced this balance of kindness and sternness in your own life? Sometimes, God allows difficult people or painful circumstances into our lives not to punish us, but to teach us, shape us and draw us closer to Him. A teenager I’ll call Darlene had a painful experience with a girl named Kat in their martial arts class. Kat had been her friend until she became jealous that Darlene was a better fighter. Kat turned on her with verbal and even physical abuse. After many attempts to repair the friendship failed, I sensed God was using Kat to teach Darlene how to deal with toxic people. When Darlene stopped trying to fix the relationship and simply prayed for wisdom and protection, the situation changed. They never became close friends, but the attacks stopped. Darlene learned a valuable lesson about boundaries, prayer and trusting God in difficult relationships.

This brings us to a profound truth about the sovereignty of God. He balances the free choices of thousands, even millions, of people around us so that His perfect will for our lives ultimately prevails. Even when life feels chaotic, God is at work weaving every detail into His good plan. I have always found this summary of God’s perfect will to be very helpful. “God’s will is to help the most people, for the longest time, and to help them in the most complete way.” This takes account of all of the free choices of all of the people God must deal with, and yet in God’s infinite wisdom, He is able to guide our lives to their point of fullest enlightenment. I also like this quote from A.W. Tozer, “The will of God is always best, even when it does not seem best to us.”

Where have you seen God’s kindness and sternness at work in your own life? How has a difficult person or situation taught you something important? Is there an area of your life you need to trust God’s sovereignty right now? How does Romans 11:22, “Consider therefore the kindness and sternness of God: sternness to those who fell, but kindness to you, provided that you continue in his kindness,” change the way you view hard seasons?

We can trust God in everything. He is both kind and stern. He is sovereign over every detail of our lives. Even when we do not understand what He is doing, we can rest in the knowledge that His plans are good, His purposes are perfect, and His love never fails.